He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
