You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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