here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
