stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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