I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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