I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
