we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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