apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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