apparently the secret to your success is patron
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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