i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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