Kiss
Puke
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
