So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
