My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
