Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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