he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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