wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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