Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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