I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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