I wish I could teleport
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
