So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
