Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
