They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
