you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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