dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize