Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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