Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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