if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize