apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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