I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
