i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize