I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
