So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
