addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize