2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
