I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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