So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
