I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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