We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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