Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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