u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
