2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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