Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i love accidental penises.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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