just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
