Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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