he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The struggles of a small town man whore
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize