Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
