remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
