Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
