I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
