I faked an abortion last night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
