this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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