if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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