In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
