A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
