I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
