You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
