He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
