She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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