So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
