You smell like stripper and shame
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
