Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize