stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am available for nakedness
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
