i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
