Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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