oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
