matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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