I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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